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FOR WHAT I LIVE, FROM WHAT I DIE



Part I: Prologue (Uncovered)

Small creature are you,
Small creature you are.
How quickly you are uncovered,

Naked and cold,
Mumbling and crying,
Knowing everything's been discovered.

Many secrets have you,
Many secrets you have.
But it's only a matter of time.

Did you finally decide,
There's nowhere to hide,
And really no reason why.

Strong is your body, strong are your bones.
Strong as your bloody lie, is uncovered...


Chris Cornell




Part II: The Forest
The Forest. That which is me. My Soul, my Mind. The Forest. Inside myself many different factions fight for control of my life. I make the final judgment yet all must have their say. Within the darkened trunks of the Forest, there are those who would like to see me try and rule Her. On the other side of the river live those who want Her to be happy and live Her own life without influence from me--I should have no control over Her actions. In the woods beyond the camp live the brave few who believe that maybe, just maybe, the Two are right for each other. That She should go to Him and be happy. They don't come around often. And then their are those who live with me. Those who think we should share all, happiness and sadness.




Part III: The Hunt
In our search for what is right we hunt. We search out that what we hope to find. Some of us return with the kill; some without. Sometimes when we hunt, we get lost in the woods. The deep, dark, lush forest plays host to a myriad of creatures: some good, some bad. Ahh, the hunt! The exasperating thrill of the chase, and the ecstasy of a kill. For what we live, from what we die. Some say the hunt isn't worth it. Some say that safer is better. I say how can one live safe at home, while your freedom hides in the forest? Every hunt we die a little more. And yet with every hunt we grow stronger. The tiger and the lion. Chasing, fighting, killing, losing, winning.





Part IV: Betrayal
For Us the hunt had gone bad. On a deep trek into the canopy, She and I came across another hunter: Him. She knew. She wanted to know. I knew not. I wanted not to know. Straightaway I knew there was evil within His soul. To this day my thoughts of Him drift towards the ancient evils. I wanted to kill Him; not allow Him to live. She said She knew, but to let him live. Funny how live is evil, and evil is live. Life is just that way.





Part V: Questions
How come trust is love yet love may not be trust. Can one be without the other? Is there a hunt without a prey, or prey without a hunter? Love, like evil and live, is evol...evolve. With love we evolve. Without, Darwin is the jester. Her and I had the chance to EVOLve. We had the greatest hunt of them all, until She bit the apple...until she betrayed me.
That damn apple. Wasn't the fruit of my orchard enough for Her? Was He truly sweeter than I? It was just a bite they'd say. One little bite is surely not enough for your feeling this way. She meant nothing by it. They were friends. Was it not okay?
It's not their apple rotting on the sittingcloth. Not their heart lying broken in the middle of the Lake of Fire. Not their rage growing and feeding upon itself inside their temple. The dogs have truly been let loose and for the first time their baying races across the moors to meet my ears at midnight.
That bittersweet howling resonates in my skull. How could She? What had I done for Her to do this? These thoughts flew through my head. As did questions as to what I should do, believe, think, want. Has the box been opened? Has Pandora fallen once again? Has He feasted in Her wicked garden. As the dogs begin to smell Her, will She smell alone?





Part VI: The Redemption
Does the dancing girl want another turn? With tear in eye and tear in heart she turns to Her warrior once again.
"Forgive me, for my heart is crushed by remorse!" She cried. My mind turned and formed various answers to the question of redemption.
Those from the woods came and added their enlightenment to the pot. "Let Him have Her. Your hunt lies elsewhere beyond the jaded frontiers of this heart which so wickedly turned against you!"
Those from my village stood up to let their voices be heard through the din. "Share with Her and She shall be happy. Hoard and She shall stray. Share and She shall stay."
The Other-siders also were in attendance. "Together shall there be no guarantee of holy and gracious love. From the heart comes the love of Understanding, the love of Forgiveness and the love that you feel for Her. Go to Her and She shall meet you there, arms outstretched and waiting to greet Her lost son once again."





Part VII: Epilogue
So the story ended. We tried once again to forget the serpent who had invaded the tranquility of our house and to live once again for the hunt. But as always, with live comes evil.
The serpent visited again. My will was crushed. The Other-siders won against the mighty fights of the mine; to let Her once again journey with The-One-Who-Is-Not-Right. Again the trust was broken, our seal shattered into tiny fragments strewn across the hard marble floor.
The growing crimson pool of red, stark against the cool blue tile of Love that we had laid, once again grew, drinking straight from my Heart's lifeblood to feed it's own sorrow. Within this sea of sorrow have I drowned.
Truly the dogs have come and taken Her away. As I laid afflicted in my quarters, she frolicked across the kingdom with the Him. I raise my voice in mourning and merge it with that morning's second sorrowing of the dogs as they creep across the Plains of the Dream.





Part VIII: The State of Love and Trust
Yet we evolved in love. As evil out of live, so evolve out of love. And now we live for love beneath the Once. We play in the sands of China and the pools of Aladdin. So is He once gone, so is He once again gone. Sure am I of his return, yet sure also am I, of Our love...and Our trust.


For the Pumpkin, the Dog, and the Bears...


1993-2003 kylania